Not every manager's a natural “people person.” Some get straight to business, no small talk. Others go deep into the details of their new overnight oats recipe - whether or not the team member actually likes them (or wants to hear about them).

It's important to understand your communication style - because as a leader, you set the tone. How you connect with others doesn't just matter in that specific conversation. It impacts how your team members do their job, whether they decide to stay or be "open to work," and even how they talk to potential candidates as you grow.

In my work with thousands of managers, I’ve found that most leaders fall into one of four communication styles. And no judgment here - many of us start in the less-effective quadrants. But the good news is that awareness gives us the power to adjust. I break down each of the four styles in the video below - and in this blog, explain them. 

Here’s the breakdown:

1) Detached Leadership

“Let’s keep this strictly professional.”

This manager avoids talking about anything personal. No chit-chat, no small talk, no “how was your weekend?” It’s straight to the agenda.

What happens:
Things may stay efficient, but it can feel cold. Team members may not feel seen as "people" - which makes it harder for them to open up when they’re struggling or need support.

Why leaders get stuck here:
Sometimes it comes from fear - whether that's of saying the wrong thing, crossing a line or making someone uncomfortable. But while that might feel like the safe move, it can mean missing out on real opportunities to connect, understand and support your team in meaningful ways.

2) Leader-Centric Sharing

“Let me tell you about...”

This leader does share personal stories - but they’re usually one-sided. They talk about their favorite podcast, their kids’ swim meets or their trip to Napa, but rarely pause to ask what interests others.

What happens:
They may feel like they’re being personable - but the team might feel like an audience. It builds visibility, but not connection.

And sometimes?
It’s a reality of a team member sitting through every shot of your golf round... while they have 27 "work things" that they really need to run by you. That can leave them feeling undervalued or unseen - especially when they came to the conversation for your input, not your highlight reel.

3) Common Ground Connection

“You love college football? Me too - who’s your team?”

Here, leaders build relationships by finding shared interests. It could be a favorite show, a hometown or mutual love of queso.

What happens:
You build real rapport and probably share a few laughs. It’s a great way to connect - but it only goes so far. If there’s no shared interest to keep things going, the conversation can fizzle out fast.

Plus, it can unintentionally send the message that your way is the way - making your team members feel like they need to mirror your style or preferences to succeed, even if that’s not a great fit for them.

And here’s the risk:
It can start to feel like favoritism. If you and one employee both have kids in Little League, and others don’t, it’s easy for someone to wonder: “Would I have gotten this opportunity or a better performance review if I had a child - especially one who played baseball to boot?” Even unintentional connections can have real impacts.

4) Employee-Centered Curiosity

“What do you like to do outside of work?”

This is the gold standard. You ask about what they care about - even if it’s not something you personally relate to.

What happens:
Your team feels seen - meaning that you want to know about them as a person. And when people feel like that, they’re more likely to speak up, trust you and feel invested in the work.

And the impact is real.
Finding out what lights someone up - and remembering it - makes people feel valued. (Pro tip: you don’t have to keep it all in your head. Make notes!) Then the next time you ask, “Hey, how was [that show they were excited about]?” - it can make someone light up. That moment of connection can affect so much about work - and even their life outside of work.

So, what can you do?

Think about your style. Really think about it. No one’s perfect, and you might land in one of the other quadrants more often than you think. But ask yourself - how can you shift toward Employee-Centered Curiosity?

It doesn’t mean becoming everyone’s new best friend.
It means being the kind of leader who notices, who cares, and who asks.

Try this with your team

Here’s a simple prompt to use in your next 1:1 or team check-in:

“What’s something that you like doing outside of work lately?”

Then pause. Let them answer. And if you don’t know anything about that hobby or interest? Even better - ask a follow-up.

Because when your communication starts with curiosity, connection always follows. It shows your team that you care about who they are, not just what they do. And even if you’ve always cared about the work, you’ll often find that the work gets even better.

Curious to learn more about this leadership quadrant - and how it shows up in your organization? If you’re interested in having me speak at your event or bringing our scalable training programs to your team, check out managermethod.com.