The $450,000 Birthday Party (and 9 Other Things Managers Need to Know)

Nobody gets promoted into management and handed a list called "Totally Normal Things That Can Make You End Up in Court."

But after years as an employment lawyer and in HR, I could write that list in my sleep. Because most of the situations that turn into complaints, lawsuits or your best team members walking out the door don't start with a manager doing something terrible. They start with a manager doing something "normal." Something nice, even. Like throwing a birthday party.

That's the part nobody trains managers on. You get an offer letter with your new title and salary. Nobody mentions that a doctor's note request, a team lunch or a reaction to a team member's social media post might need a second thought.

The good news? You don't need to become a lawyer. That's what your HR and Legal teams are for, especially because the rules (and laws) can change depending on where you and your team members are. You just need to know enough to pause and ask before you act. So here are 10 things to know. The first five are in this week's video, including the full story of the birthday celebration that cost one employer $450,000. The other five are some of the ones managers are most surprised to learn.

Quick note: this is general education, not legal advice. Laws vary by location, so when in doubt, check with your HR or Legal.

1) Not everyone wants a birthday celebration

Some people don't celebrate birthdays for religious reasons - Jehovah's Witnesses generally don't, for example. Some people just hate being the center of attention. And some have their own reasons that they have no desire to share with the people they work with.

In the case from the video (Berling v. Gravity Diagnostics, No. 19-CI-01631 (Ky. Div. IV)), a team member with an anxiety disorder asked his office manager to please not throw him their customary celebration. That office manager went out of the office, and the team threw one anyway. What happened next - especially in a meeting the following day - is how a slice of cake turned into a $450,000 jury verdict, including $300,000 for mental anguish.

What to do: Don't assume. It's best for HR to cover this when people are hired. But even if someone's been working for a while, ask - privately, not in front of the team - and make every answer an easy one to give:

"I like to recognize birthdays and work anniversaries, but I know not everyone does. How would you like yours handled - a team shout-out, something low-key or nothing at all? Any answer is completely fine."

When HR does keep a list of who wants their birthday shared, follow it. Even if you personally think everyone should appreciate being celebrated.

2) Before you ask for a doctor's note, know your policy - and ask everyone the same way

When people are out sick, the biggest risk here isn't always the note itself. It's asking only certain people for one. If the only person you ask is the one you're suspicious of, that inconsistency can cause problems all on its own.

And notes aren't free. They cost team members time and money, and some may not have healthcare coverage at all. Some places also limit when you can ask. Ontario, for example, has banned employers from requiring a doctor's note for its three days of job-protected sick leave since October 2024. In the UK, people can generally self-certify for the first seven days. And the US is largely a patchwork of state and local laws - including some that only allow documentation requests after several days in a row.

What to do: Check your policy before you ask. And if your real concern is a pattern - Mondays, Fridays, the day after the big game - that's a different conversation. Consider whether that's actually an objective "problem" at all. And when it is, have it with HR's help, not through a note you request from one person.

3) "Out of sick days" doesn't always mean out of options

Your PTO policy tells you what your organization offers. It doesn't tell you everything the law might require on top of it.

Around the world, many countries have laws that provide for extended sick leave. In Malaysia, employees can be eligible for up to 22 days of paid leave (or up to 60 for hospitalizations). In Switzerland, employees can be eligible for up to six months (or 104 weeks including sick leave insurance).

The US does not have nationwide paid sick leave (which can be surprising to the rest of the world, and you may be looking into Swiss relocation right now).

But the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) can give eligible team members up to 12 weeks of unpaid, job-protected leave for their own serious health condition or to care for a family member. Leave can also be a reasonable accommodation under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). And, just like the patchwork mentioned above, many US states and cities have their own rules and types of leave on top of that.

What to do: Before you say anything that starts with "You're out of days, so..." - stop and call HR. In the meantime:

"Let me check with HR on what options might be available, and either they or I will get back to you as soon as possible."

4) Team lunches aren't always a win

A team lunch feels like the easiest win in management. Free food - everyone's happy! Maybe not your team members who've "liked" the memes of companies giving pizza parties instead of an increase in pay. But also, the team member who's fasting during Ramadan, which can mean no food or water from dawn to sunset for about a month. Or the person with a food allergy, a dietary restriction or their own reasons for not eating at work.

And if you're thinking, "Well, they should just say something to their manager," people often don't feel comfortable explaining why they're not eating. So what looks like someone not being a "team player" may be someone who feels awkward or hopes nobody notices.

What to do: Ask about dietary needs when you plan, give people an easy way to answer privately and don't make food the only way your team celebrates.

"Planning a team lunch for next week - any dietary needs or preferences I should know about? Feel free to just message me."

And check the calendar before you schedule. A lunch-and-learn in the middle of Ramadan isn't the inclusive moment you were going for.

5) That post criticizing you might be protected

You see a team member's social media post complaining about the organization - or about you personally. Your first thought might be insubordination. Your second might be how fast can we let them go?

Pause there. Again, this is an area where laws can vary. Countries like Spain may balance an employee's right to expression with an employer's business operation considerations. In the US, Section 7 of the National Labor Relations Act protects the right of covered employees to talk with each other about pay and working conditions - union or not. That can include social media posts, comments and even likes. Something you find unprofessional (or downright rude) can still be protected. I've written before about how this applies to pay conversations, and it's just as true online.

One twist most US managers might not know: supervisors generally aren't covered by Section 7. So the same kind of post from you may not get the same protection.

What to do: Don't respond publicly. Don't bring it up with the team member in the moment. Take a screenshot and talk to HR before you say or do anything.

6) Why someone is out is their news, not yours

"Where's Priya this week?" "Oh, she's having surgery."

It feels like transparency. But it's not your information to share. Medical information a team member tells you should go only to the people who need it - usually HR. In the US, the ADA requires employers to keep medical information confidential, and in places like the EU and UK, health data gets extra protection under privacy laws like GDPR. And as a rule, don't ask for a diagnosis. It can be a very human inclination to ask for one. But pause and remember that you don't need someone's medical information to manage their time away.

What to do: Tell the team what they need to know to do their work, and ask the person what they're comfortable sharing.

To the team: "Priya's out this week. Jordan is covering her accounts, so send questions his way."

To Priya: "Is there anything you'd like me to tell the team - or would you rather I just say you're out?"

7) A 9 p.m. "quick question" can be paid time

You fire off a quick message after dinner. Your team member answers in five minutes. No big deal, right?

For non-exempt team members (people eligible for overtime), that time can count as work - and if you know or should know someone's working, it generally needs to be paid, even if you didn't ask them to reply. Plus, "salaried" and "exempt" aren't the same thing. Whether someone is exempt from overtime depends on how they're paid and what they actually do, not just whether they get a salary.

Outside the US, some places have gone further. Australia and France both have "right to disconnect" laws, and Ontario requires larger employers to have a written policy on disconnecting from work.

What to do: Know who on your team is non-exempt (if you're not sure, HR can tell you). Use scheduled send. And make it clear to your team:

"If I send something after hours, it can wait until you're working. If it's truly urgent, I'll call."

8) "Optional" holiday parties have rules, too

Halloween is next week, and holiday party season is right behind it. Three things to know before the invites go out:

- Required means paid. If attendance is mandatory - or called "optional," but everyone knows it isn't - non-exempt team members may need to be paid for that time.

- A work party is still a work event. Policies on conduct and harassment don't take the night off when the bar opens. Neither does your role as the manager.

- Not everyone celebrates the same holidays. Or any holidays. And Halloween costumes based on someone's culture, religion or ethnicity are a fast way to turn the office party into a very long week for HR.

What to do: If it's optional, make it truly optional. Don't save team announcements for the party, don't keep track of who came and call it what it is - an end-of-year celebration - so everyone feels invited.

9) Jury duty, voting and military service aren't vacation

Election Day in the US is November 3. Around 30 states (plus DC) require employers to give time off to vote, and many require at least part of it to be paid. In Canada, employees get three consecutive hours to vote in federal elections.

Jury duty is protected, too. Federal law protects employees' jobs during federal jury service, and most states protect state jury service. And in the US, USERRA protects the jobs of team members who serve in the military, including the National Guard and reserves.

How that time gets handled - paid, unpaid or PTO - depends on the law where you are and your policy.

What to do: Before you say "Just use a vacation day," check with HR. And skip the sigh when someone gets a jury summons. They didn't choose it, either.

"Thanks for the heads-up. Let's figure out coverage, and I'll check with HR on how the time gets handled."

10) After someone speaks up, your timing tells a story

Retaliation has been the most common charge filed with the US EEOC for more than a decade. Not because most managers are out to get people. But because timing tells a story, whether you mean it to or not.

When a team member complains, reports a concern, takes protected leave or asks for an accommodation, anything negative that happens soon after - a write-up, a schedule change, losing a project - can look connected. Even if you had a good reason.

What to do: Keep managing. You can still address performance. But loop in HR before you change anything about that person's job, and ask yourself one question first:

"If I'd never heard about the complaint, would I still be doing this - and could I show it?"

(More on what to do in that moment in our guide to handling employee complaints.)

The common thread in all 10

In this list, almost none of them start with a bad manager. They start with common assumptions: that everyone wants cake, or that someone's faking sick, or that the employer should be able to decide what's "professional" on social media.

That's where Pause-Consider-Act comes in:

- Pause. Notice when a moment at work involves someone's health, religion, time off, pay or a complaint.

- Consider. What's the perspective of the other person - even if you don't share or know much about it yourself?

- Act. Ask the person, respectfully. Or ask HR, quickly. Those are the conversations HR would much rather talk through early on than after the fact.

You don't need to know every law. You need to know when to stop and ask someone who does.

What to do next

Pick one item on this list that surprised you. Spend five minutes finding out what your organization's policy says about it.

And if you know a manager who's currently planning a surprise party for someone on their team, ask them if they're SURE the other person wants it. Quickly.

If you're a manager: If a few of these were news to you, that's not a you problem - most managers never get taught these things. Manager 101 covers what to do (not just what not to do) so you can lead with confidence, no law degree required.

If you're in HR: Your managers make most of these calls long before you hear about them. And in our 2026 State of Management report, 35% of HR leaders said new managers at their organization get no leadership training at all. Our leadership platform helps managers know what to do in everyday moments like these - and when to loop you in. If it would help, we'd love to show you what that looks like.