You asked your team for feedback... and now you're kind of wishing you hadn’t. Maybe someone said your late-night emails stress them out. Or that your open-door policy doesn’t feel so "open." Or that it’s hard to know what you’re thinking in meetings.

Upward feedback - when your team gives you feedback as a manager - is one of the most powerful ways to grow. But it can also be uncomfortable. And feel personal. Especially when you’re trying hard to be a good leader and the feedback touches on your working style or habits you didn’t even know were a thing.

If you’re in that spot, this blog and video give you practical tips on how to invite honest feedback, take it in without shutting down and use it to build trust with your team.

Ask for Feedback the Right Way

It’s easy to say “I’m open to feedback.” It’s another thing to make your team believe it’s actually okay - and encouraged - to share. That starts with how you ask. Instead of something vague like “Let me know if you ever have thoughts,” try:

“I’m always looking to improve. Is there anything I’m doing that’s actually making your work harder—or anything I could do differently to better support you?”

People will likely be hesitant to speak in a team meeting, so try asking in a 1:1. The goal isn’t to hear glowing praise about yourself - it’s to make it easier for your team to be honest with you.

It’s Okay if It Doesn’t Feel Great

Getting feedback can feel personal, even when it’s not meant to be. You might find yourself thinking, “That’s not what I meant,” or “I was just trying to help.” That’s totally normal.

But feedback isn’t about your intent - it’s about your impact. And just because something doesn’t feel good doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

So, pause before reacting. You don’t need to have the perfect response on the spot. The most important thing you can do is listen and say thank you. Why "thank you"? Keep reading.

Remember the Power Dynamic

Even if you think of yourself as approachable, you still have a title. You approve time off. You influence performance reviews and raises. That power dynamic is real - and it shapes how comfortable people feel giving you feedback.

So if someone does speak up, verbally tell them you appreciate it. Take it seriously. Don’t explain it away. Don’t turn it into a conversation about your stress or workload. Just show them you’re listening and taking it in.

Reflect Before You React

Let’s say someone (like the team member in the roleplay video) says, “You send a lot of messages after hours, and I feel pressure to reply right away.” It’s tempting to say, “Oh, I just send that when I have a chance to. Don't worry about replying!” But if they’re feeling that pressure, it’s not necessarily something they can just ignore, even with your permission.

Instead of responding quickly, or defend what you've been doing, ask yourself:

• Is this something I didn’t realize I was doing?

• How might this be coming across?

• What small change could make a big difference?

In this example, something as simple as using “schedule send,” or adding “please respond during your working hours” if you work across time zones, can go a long way.

Close the Loop

One of the most powerful things you can do after getting feedback is to follow up. Let your team know what you heard and how you’re adjusting.

It doesn’t have to be a formal meeting agenda topic. Just something like: "Thanks for bringing that up about after-hours messages. I didn’t realize it was causing stress and am glad you raised it. I'm working on using schedule send so it doesn’t feel urgent, and focusing work during my working hours as well.”

That one sentence builds trust and credibility - and it increases the chances they’ll come back, not just with feedback about you, but with ideas or tips that could benefit the whole team.

Your Response Shapes the Culture

How you handle feedback teaches your team how welcome it really is to speak up. When you respond with curiosity (instead of defensiveness), it opens the door for more honesty - within your team and across your organization.

You don’t have to be perfect. But if you can pause, consider and then act with intention, you’re already leading in a way that helps everyone do better work.

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