What Managers Wish HR Knew (But Rarely Say Out Loud)
Dec 04, 2025"What do I wish HR knew about what my job's really like? Plenty!"
This hits close to home. I’ve been in HR trying to create a workplace where people can do good work and live a full life outside of it. I’ve also managed teams while juggling my own workload and finding it nearly impossible to find time to have an actual life. And the comment I hear again and again is: “I wish someone really understood what my day looks like.”
Managers don't want to be difficult. HR doesn't want to be distant. We’re all trying - we’re just operating in two different worlds.
So in this blog (and the video), let’s actually talk about it, because these are the things managers share with me privately or post on social media… but rarely say directly to HR.
1. HR often focuses on process - but managers are focused on their people.
More often than not, managers don’t actually know what HR does all day or why everything has to be such a process. If they don't hear back from HR, they think HR just doesn't care. When, really, HR is often just trying to stay afloat themselves and support people all over the organization.
HR’s world is full of things managers rarely see, like:
- handling compliance requirements that have to be completely accurate, often across multiple laws and regulations
- making sure compensation, benefits and policies are correct, updated and reviewed (while often being told by other leaders what they will each be and trying to communicate them without a revolt)
- supporting managers in performance and feedback, so it’s a real, ongoing practice - not a once-a-year scramble
- talking through decisions to make sure they’re fair and consistent
- looking at data and trends across the organization to spot issues before they grow
- answering a slew of “quick questions” that seem simple, but are often a lot more complicated than they seem
Some of these things, like talking through decisions, often come from multiple people at the same time. So, HR has to work through them as they can, even if it means there’s a wait. And others, like analyzing data, are only possible if HR can actually capture the information in the first place. That’s why you’ll see things like ticketing systems - not to create extra steps, but to help HR keep track of what’s coming in (being able to report it, and offer training and support on common issues) instead of trying to remember after the fact.
Meanwhile, a manager’s world is different. It's a balance of work getting done but "people" issues popping up. It’s filled with:
- the team member who’s crying in their office
- needing to have a performance conversation with a team member who should have had it three managers ago
- the team members who refuse to communicate with each other except by email
- trying to figure out how to make their remote team "engaged" when they won't even turn their cameras on
- trying to support a team member who's lost a family member that the bereavement policy only gives them one day
All of it is happening in real time, right in front of them. And they want help. So when HR says something like, "That's the policy," or “Make sure you document it,” the manager often hears: “You don’t understand what this actually feels like in the moment.”
When HR gives a process answer, the manager is really hoping for a people answer.
Because what managers wish HR knew is this: "I get that the process matters, and it has to be there. But those processes and policies also need some human element, to reflect what’s really happening with our teams. I need help with the people part, too - what to say, how to say it and how to handle the reaction that’s coming next.”
2. What feels obvious to HR does NOT feel obvious to managers.
Most managers aren’t trying to skirt the rules. They’re genuinely trying to get it right. But they often don’t know what certain HR terms mean, what steps they’re supposed to take or how they’re supposed to find time to do them. And for many of them, even how to say a message to an employee isn’t obvious. What feels like common sense to HR is something they may have never had to think about before.
HR terms and timelines make perfect sense to HR because it’s your everyday vocabulary. But to managers, those same terms can feel like reading a foreign language in the middle of an already packed week — especially when they’re trying to write performance reviews while working around the clock or are staring at benefits language they’ve never heard before.
Managers wish HR knew: “If I’m asking, it’s because I honestly don’t know. Please meet me where I am, and then help me get where I need to be.”
3. Approachable HR changes the entire dynamic.
People often hesitate before reaching out to HR. Frequently, they’re worried they’ll get in trouble or that their question won’t even get a response. And since most people only contact HR when something is already going wrong, reaching out can feel even more intimidating.
That’s why how you approach the conversation matters - because you want people to come to you before things escalate.
When HR responds with a calm, steady “Hey, let’s talk it through,” it changes the conversation - and relationship - completely.
Managers wish HR knew: “When you’re approachable, I feel safe asking questions early - before it's way too late.”
4. Managers are carrying pressure HR doesn’t always see.
HR is aware of the issue. Managers are living in it.
Managers are trying to hit business goals while also coaching and supporting a mix of very different personalities on their teams. That means dealing with real human emotions and reactions, and the weight of being responsible for someone else’s success. And underneath all of that sits a very real fear - of doing the wrong thing, looking incompetent or seeming like they can’t handle the role they were promoted into. The "manager" (or even "Director," "VP" or "Chief") title alone can make imposter syndrome flare up, especially when they feel like everyone else already knows what they’re doing.
Managers wish HR knew: “Ask me what’s really going on before you give advice. I’m scared of messing this up, and I want help. Your guidance is 10 times more helpful when you understand the full picture.”
5. Before giving guidance, ask: “What were you thinking of doing?” — and here’s the REAL reason it helps.
Managers won’t always say this out loud, but when they ask HR for advice and HR responds: “What were you thinking of doing?” many managers think:
“Umm… this is literally why I’m calling you.”
Totally understandable.
But instead of HR just giving advice, HR first listening to what the manager was thinking helps HR understand the context, the options they’ve considered and the assumptions they’re working from. It lets HR see the whole picture instead of just the headline. Once that happens, HR can offer guidance that isn’t just technically correct in the short-term situation, but actually practical for the long-term.
It also gives managers a chance to walk through different paths and how each one might play out, which builds confidence and decision-making skills over time. As I say in our Manager 101 course, it can help for managers to think of HR as their playwright - helping map out the options and what to say - rather than stepping in as the lead or supporting actor.
As HR, one way to say this is: “I can definitely help. Let's start with the background and what you were leaning toward, and we can figure it out together."
Managers wish HR knew: “Help me talk it through. I don’t need you to take it over - I just need you to guide me so I can handle it well."
Managers want HR to be a human partner, not a process robot
Managers rely on HR to help them develop in the people side of their role. But they want HR’s support - not just HR’s steps. When HR pairs processes with human communication and support, it works - for everyone.
Want more practical, real-talk tools for supporting managers?
Pre-order my book The Manager Method, coming in February (you can order individually here, and in bulk for your team or event here).
And if you want HR to be a partner in making things go well - not just a lifeline when they don’t - the Manager Method leadership platform gives you the tools, language and support to make that happen.
